Mommyhood
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The Gaslighter and the Bee-Word
gaslighter / ˈ ɡas ˌ līdər / a person who uses psychological methods to manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning bitch [ bich ] a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman I used to date a guy who gaslighted the hell out of me. When we first met, I thought that I had hit the boyfriend jackpot. He was good-looking and had a job that he was passionate about. My daughter and my dog equally adored him (and my dog doesn’t like anyone). I lost all concept of gravity and fell in love with him faster than a spacecraft blasting into orbit. But within…
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Suitcases and the Disney Villains
I do not handle change well. The question of change often comes up in job interviews, and I always lie through my teeth about it. When asked, I assure the interviewer that I love change, that I am flexible and eager and accommodating. But I am a dirty liar. Change makes me anxious. I do not like the unknown. I am a girl who needs a plan and an end game. Surprises are not fun for me. Speaking of interviewing, I have been doing a lot of it lately. It is such an atrocious process, and I hate every single second of it. Even with over two decades of experience…
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First Days
My baby girls started kindergarten today. It was their official first day. Last week, they had a stagger start day where only a quarter of their classes went for half the day to allow them to get used to the structure. Open house was the week prior, and I left work early to make sure that we made it. There were two gigantic bags of school supplies to carry in, and we had to park a mile away from the front entrance because there were so many families there. I wore a cute blazer so I would feel trendy and pretend that I wasn’t the oldest mom at kindergarten. It…
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Rage Gardening
This is not a story about gardening. This is the story of Captain Douche. Please allow me to preface this by saying that I make terrible choices in men. They have historically been so terrible, in fact, that after the twins were born (almost five years ago), I swore off dating. I needed a detox. I no longer trusted any of my decisions. And also, raising twins as a single mom is HARD and who has time for going on dates? Prior to meeting the Captain and subsequently getting knocked up, I went on a series of terrible dates. I was an online serial dater, meaning I was going to…
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Getting Away
It’s 3am at the beach, and I can’t sleep. Sometimes, I wake up at these crazy hours and think, “Well, I guess that’s it for the sleeping now.” It used to be an every night thing, but I have been better about it for the past year or so. But I never sleep well when I’m not at home. I opened my eyes a little while ago and knew I was done. Unlike my house, a hotel leaves little space for wandering around at night, even in this upgraded suite where the girls have a cool bed that pulls down from the wall. I snuck out to the patio to…
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Little Children
Sometimes I think I am not cut out for this parenting gig at all. I just finished reading Little Children by Tom Perrotta, which I started last week. I watched the movie years ago, and I found a paperback copy of the novel in the little free library at the park at the beginning of this month. It sat on my nightstand for awhile because I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to read it. I haven’t really been into fiction for awhile, but after finally giving it a go, I couldn’t put it down. One of the characters, Sarah, seems to be written in my honor. She seems likable…
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Silence Please
Setting up a website is hard. Learning new things is hard. Navigating through countless YouTube videos and Google searches in order to figure out how to adjust a font size on this template is hard. It seems as though all of this should be easier. I hope that I can chalk it up to growing pains. I really want to grow here. I am currently nursing my second cup of coffee of the morning, hiding in my dining room from children who seem to constantly need every single bit of my attention. I have told them that today is a no-television day unless they watch it in their playroom. This…
