Finding My Happy
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The Ex-Wives Club
I was a stupid newlywed once. I was on what I like to call my starter marriage, while my new hubby (Rat Bastard) was on round number two. And while it pains me to admit it, I was a terrible second wife, but not towards RB. I was absolutely horrible to his ex-wife. Circa 2002, over two decades ago. I was a naive college student when I met the man who I thought would complete me. I was only 21 years old, and he was eight years my senior. I brought to the relationship a recently broken heart (thanks to my high school “sweetheart”) and a spotted cat named Barclay.…
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Christmas Lights
I admittedly am the girl who puts her Christmas decorations up the second that the last Snickers bar has been distributed from my Halloween treat bucket. I probably would have done it sooner this year had my daughter not forbidden me from even looking at the pile of Rubbermaid boxes in the basement filled with ornaments and glittery reindeer trinkets. I haven’t always been this way, though. I spent so many years barely willing myself to put a tree up, sometimes only dragging out the 3′ tall fiberoptic tree that my dad bought me for my college apartment seemingly 100 years ago. The Christmas spirit was just not always easy…
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Going Home
We are in northern Michigan for the week. I know it sounds cliche, but the air feels different up here. Maybe I have just been in North Carolina for so long that I do not appreciate the beauty as much as someone who is visiting. But Michigan is my happy place. I was born here, and I still claim it as my home, but in reality, I only lived here for a year or so before my parents moved us all down to the south. We would drive up and visit for a week or two every summer, making our way from relative to relative, trying to see everyone in…
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Letting Go
Adulting is so hard, y’all. It has taken me 40 years to figure out that none of us know what we are doing. We are all just bumping along, hoping that no one else notices that we have no idea of what is going on, faking it until we make it. If we get lucky, we make some good decisions along the way and strike a few gold mines. I am a big believer that a large part of what happens to us in life is luck. Hard work counts for a lot, but I know that I have ended up where I am in large part because I just…
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Rage Gardening
This is not a story about gardening. This is the story of Captain Douche. Please allow me to preface this by saying that I make terrible choices in men. They have historically been so terrible, in fact, that after the twins were born (almost five years ago), I swore off dating. I needed a detox. I no longer trusted any of my decisions. And also, raising twins as a single mom is HARD and who has time for going on dates? Prior to meeting the Captain and subsequently getting knocked up, I went on a series of terrible dates. I was an online serial dater, meaning I was going to…
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Getting Away
It’s 3am at the beach, and I can’t sleep. Sometimes, I wake up at these crazy hours and think, “Well, I guess that’s it for the sleeping now.” It used to be an every night thing, but I have been better about it for the past year or so. But I never sleep well when I’m not at home. I opened my eyes a little while ago and knew I was done. Unlike my house, a hotel leaves little space for wandering around at night, even in this upgraded suite where the girls have a cool bed that pulls down from the wall. I snuck out to the patio to…
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Finding My Place
A month or so ago, one of my favorite podcasts raised the question of which of your ages you would like to remain forever, changing nothing about how things played out. There was much debate on the show, and I have spent a lot of time thinking about it since. Having just celebrated my 40th birthday, there seems to be a lot of reflection going on in my mind. Being the milestone that it is, it seems to be a good age for looking back. I cannot decide if, being 40 now, I am supposed to be older and wiser or still be young and dumb. Maybe I should be…
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Little Children
Sometimes I think I am not cut out for this parenting gig at all. I just finished reading Little Children by Tom Perrotta, which I started last week. I watched the movie years ago, and I found a paperback copy of the novel in the little free library at the park at the beginning of this month. It sat on my nightstand for awhile because I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to read it. I haven’t really been into fiction for awhile, but after finally giving it a go, I couldn’t put it down. One of the characters, Sarah, seems to be written in my honor. She seems likable…
