Blog
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The Bittersweet Beginning of Endings
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Roman Philosopher (but also 90’s band Semisonic) I absolutely detest the New Year’s holiday. Maybe it’s because I am a pessimist at heart, or maybe it’s because my constant heightened state of anxiety doesn’t allow me to enjoy anything that other people do. Instead of looking at the upcoming year as one full of potential, I think mostly of the curveballs that await me. I always worry about the bad things that I can’t possibly see coming. My life feels like a game of dodgeball where I am the first player that the opposing side is aiming…
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The Friends & Family Detox Diet
Many years ago, I was desperate to trace my family tree. I wanted to go back as far as I could, determined to find out who my ancestors were. I wanted to learn the names of my great great great grandparents and where they came from. I even had a fancy notebook that I used to fill in the blanks from information on Ancestry.com. Somewhere along the way, though, I lost interest in the details. As I witnessed my extended family disintegrate and go their separate ways, I stopped trying to insert myself into a history that I no longer really cared about. My roots suddenly don’t mean very much…
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The Gift of Time
If there is anything that the last few years have taught me, it is that there are never enough hours in the day. I spend so much time wishing that I had just one more hour to cram full of something before bed. I wish that I could make myself sacrifice an hour of sleep so that I could get up early and do some yoga. I wish that I had time to read a book, to watch another episode of my favorite show, to spend with my girls before it’s their bedtime, to cross anything off my to-do list. There simply isn’t enough of it. Lately, I catch myself…
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The Hot Mess and a Jelly Jar
It’s raining today, and the weather seems to fit my mood perfectly. This isn’t the norm for me. I am usually incredibly energetic, faking smiles so well that I even fool myself sometimes. In actuality, it’s just a well-crafted combination of caffeine and anxiety meds that allow me to function like a productive member of society. Hiding is safer, easier, preferable. People are draining, and I just don’t want to do it. I’m off work today, and I decided this morning that I needed a day of hibernating. I spend so much of my free time racing around in such a desperate attempt to make my life less chaotic that…
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The Goodbye Year
“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.” -Paul Coelho 2023 is almost over; just over 24 hours to go. Thank the Lord. Good riddance to this year and all of the nastiness that it brought with it. It seems as though this was a tough one for a lot of us. Even though it feels like the entire year flew by, it also dragged on mercilessly. Looking back, I honestly can’t think of anything that really defines the past twelve months for me. It just seemed to be one daunting hurdle after another, and I could barely catch my breath as I…
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The Gaslighter and the Bee-Word
gaslighter / ˈ ɡas ˌ līdər / a person who uses psychological methods to manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning bitch [ bich ] a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman I used to date a guy who gaslighted the hell out of me. When we first met, I thought that I had hit the boyfriend jackpot. He was good-looking and had a job that he was passionate about. My daughter and my dog equally adored him (and my dog doesn’t like anyone). I lost all concept of gravity and fell in love with him faster than a spacecraft blasting into orbit. But within…
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The Ex-Wives Club
I was a stupid newlywed once. I was on what I like to call my starter marriage, while my new hubby (Rat Bastard) was on round number two. And while it pains me to admit it, I was a terrible second wife, but not towards RB. I was absolutely horrible to his ex-wife. Circa 2002, over two decades ago. I was a naive college student when I met the man who I thought would complete me. I was only 21 years old, and he was eight years my senior. I brought to the relationship a recently broken heart (thanks to my high school “sweetheart”) and a spotted cat named Barclay.…
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Suitcases and the Disney Villains
I do not handle change well. The question of change often comes up in job interviews, and I always lie through my teeth about it. When asked, I assure the interviewer that I love change, that I am flexible and eager and accommodating. But I am a dirty liar. Change makes me anxious. I do not like the unknown. I am a girl who needs a plan and an end game. Surprises are not fun for me. Speaking of interviewing, I have been doing a lot of it lately. It is such an atrocious process, and I hate every single second of it. Even with over two decades of experience…
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The First Lonely
My girls came home from their first out-of-state visitation last night. They just turned 7 a couple of weeks ago, and besides a couple of overnight camping trips with my mom to the mountains of North Carolina, they have never been away from home overnight for very long. Any of the times that they have spent the night with their dad in Michigan previously, Kylie and I have been in a hotel a few miles away. It was certainly hard to let them go. I joked with my team at work that I was going to live there for the eight days that I would be without the girls. I…
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On Writing
