The Year of No Dating

This is my new bumper sticker.  Isn’t it lovely?  I’m a big fan of it myself.  

Today is my 33rd birthday.  I had plans to have a “me” day.  I was going to go see the new Ben Stiller movie by myself, maybe stop in for a Gigi’s Cupcake to celebrate.  I was looking forward to it all week.  But then today rolled around and, as usual, I opted to stay in my pj’s and watch a marathon of Scandal on Netflix.  I hung out with my dog, did some pilates, talked to my mom and my brother on the phone, and cooked a little bit.  These things made me happy.  I can always watch the movie another day.  Or I could just wait for it to come up on Netflix like everything else I see. 

I have had a lot of things racing through my mind lately.  This isn’t really anything new, except that now I am my own main focus.  I have decided to take some time for myself.  I want to do the things that make me happy.  I want to spend more time with Kylie.  I want to cook more.  I want to be crafty and work on DIY projects that actually (hopefully) turn out the way they are supposed to.  I want to spend more time wandering around dusty thrift shops and finding gold there.  

I am beginning the Year of No Dating.  

This makes me giggle a little bit, because I really give myself until March or April before I break this so-called rule.  However, what I mean is that I am not pursuing it for the time being.  I deleted my online dating profiles.  I stopped returning text messages from these potential suitors.  I have honestly eliminated the desire to go out at all.  I simply do not want to date.

This is not something that I decided lightly.  I didn’t just have one bad date that made me never want to go on one again.  It was more of an endless cycle of awfulness that rolled over me like a tide.  I found myself sighing in frustration every time I talked to someone new.  There was always something about him that grated on my nerves or made me question his ability to live up to my ridiculously high expectations.  They are pretty damn insurmountable. 

I found myself on a date last weekend with a guy who is 18 years my senior.  I have to admit, it was a little bit weird.  I had my hesitations about it, but I tried to talk myself into believing that it might all work out for the better.  Maybe we were going to be those people who no one ever would have expected to be together, and yet we were totally undeniably happy.  Ummmmm……no.  There was no happy ending for us.  To keep it short, on our “lunch” date, he told me that he had no intentions of eating, but would be happy to watch me do so (weird).  Further, he wore white sneakers and black dress socks, topped off by a pair of dad jeans (much worse than mom jeans).  I ordered a latte at Starbucks, and when I asked if he would like something, he admitted that he couldn’t drink it because of his acid reflux condition (super sexy).  We sat outside of the mall and had an awkward, strained conversation that could not end fast enough.  I secretly wished that I had scheduled myself for a shorter break.  He talked about his podiatrist and gave me details about his recent foot surgery.  Maybe it wouldn’t have been so gross if he had arm surgery, but feet are nasty, and I don’t want to talk about them. Then he proceeded to go on a rant about his political beliefs and why the President is ruining our country.  I happen to like our President, much more than this guy that I was on a date with.   Oh, and he was a mouth breather who liked to lean in close to me when he said something.    

Ew. 

So basically, that was the last straw.  I decided (not lightly, mind you) that I had had enough.  I no longer want to suffer through phone conversations that cannot end quickly enough.  I no longer want to message a guy and get a lackluster reply.  I no longer want to judge guys on their conversational skills or lack thereof.  I’m tired of playing dating roulette because I always lose.  I received a text message from a guy last night which read, “Not sure if you’re out tonight, but I’m downtown.”  I was not out; I was at work, and the first thing that popped into my mind is that there was no way I could go out, even if I wanted to.  I needed to get home and take the dog out, and what I really wanted to do after that was put on my pj’s and snuggle under a blanket.  Dating simply does not fit into my life right now.  I have a daughter and a career and a really big smelly puppy who need me more than I need someone else.  

Maybe next year will be my year.