I never thought I would be a mom. In my younger years, I didn’t really spend a lot of time with children other than the occasional interaction with the littles who were at my church. I completely lacked the desire to do activities with them or to volunteer to work in the nursery. None of that appealed to me. Kids were gross. I was only 22 when Kylie was born, and it is shocking to me now that I was so young when she came along. I loved being a mom, even though I had no idea of what I was doing. I was just getting established in my career,…

A couple of days before we flew out of Michigan, the twins and I stopped by the park in Elk Rapids so they could play at the playground on the beach for a bit. The weather was perfect, even though the breeze from Lake Michigan made it slightly chilly. I brought a new book and read while stealing glances at the water. As nightfall approached, I realized that we were going to have a perfect view of the sunset. I know that the girls did not particularly care, but I wanted to see it, every single second of the beauty of the sun setting over the lake that I have…

My grandpa died a week ago. I am not a girl who handles death well. On my best days, I am an anxious ball of stress and worry, and the smallest reminder that all of our days here are numbered is not good for my already fragile mind. My grandpa was my last grandpa, the patriarch on my dad’s side. My grandma died a decade ago, and he spent those ten years missing her so much. It was always heartbreaking coming to Michigan for a visit and hearing him talk about how sad he was without her. I will never know what it is like to be loved that way.…

I am not the girl who stays. Longevity is not my strong suit. I have a tendency to walk away from anything and everything that does not serve me well. I will never be the girl who earns a 15-year service award at work or who celebrates her 50th wedding anniversary with the man of my dreams. Perhaps it is in part due to boredom. Maybe we put too much pressure on ourselves to stick things out just so we can brag about it to our friends. Look at me! I outlasted everyone! I will probably never really personally relate to any of that. When things get sticky, I bolt.…

Today is the one year anniversary of my best friend’s death. I never imagined that I would type a sentence like that. I have survived an entire year of not having her. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, both of our 40th birthdays, Nurses’ Day when I would normally send her a card, and an unimaginable number of ordinary days in between. It’s the normal days that sting the most, I think. Those are the days when I think of her out of the blue and want to tell her something silly that makes me think of our childhood, or when I want to tell her about a moment that she…