Invested

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” -John Lennon

I have been absent from the blogosphere lately….

So for the most part, Kylie and I are hanging in there in Raleigh.  Some things seem to be easier than they were in the beginning.  I alternate between trying to decide if I’m crazy for being here and convincing myself that this was the right decision all along.  We have lived here for almost a year, but the last twelve months only seem to be a blur to me.  My days run together in the bustle of getting Kylie to and from school, making it to work, and retaining my dwindling sanity.  Work has finally leveled off, and I feel like I am finally at the top of my game again.  It’s good to know that I am still good at something that I care a lot about.  I knew that the first year in a new store would be awful (and it was), but I’m happy that I stuck it out.

The past few months seemed to be a relentless cycle of bad dates that got worse and worse with every one that I went on.  If I had had more time, I would have written about them.  They were so terrible that they were hilarious.  I went out for coffee with one guy who was so awkward that he made me uncomfortable.  He showed me a picture of his daughter, who was not cute AT ALL, and my first thought was, “Omigosh, I cannot allow myself to have ugly kids with this guy!”  I thought about going out with him again just because I felt sorry for him and because he probably doesn’t get that many dates, and then I realized that I simply could not pity date him because that just wasn’t cool at all.  There was also a guy that I went on two dates with who was a few years younger than me which was simply bizarre.  He spent our lunch date at Panera Bread psycho-analyzing everything that I said or did until I was so incredibly nervous that I couldn’t even carry on a conversation with him.  I am completely aware of my quirks, but I don’t necessarily need to have them all pointed out to me!  That should have been my first clue that date number two shouldn’t have happened. but my mom informed me about a bazillion years ago that I was never ever ever going to find a guy if I kept finding things wrong with all of them.  Although I will never admit that my mother is right about anything, I gave it another go, and the second date was just as bad.  I entertained myself by texting my friends and complaining that I was on the date from hell.  They were sweet….they all offered to call me with some sort of emergency that warranted leaving early.  But he was making dinner for me (shrimp alfredo), and I really love shrimp alfredo, so I stuck it out.  Dinner was delicious; him, not so much.

Soooooo, anyway, I was ready to give up on the dating thing.  maybe being single isn’t all that bad, right?  (No, being single sucks and we all know it.)  I gave it another go (not believing it would amount to anything) and miraculously, I found an amazing guy.  Our first date was at a sushi restaurant, and we talked for over an hour before we even ordered.  I think that we both forgot that we were supposed to have food at some point. He didn’t kiss me until the end of our second date.  I knew then that he was different, because the majority of guys are at least attempting to cop a feel at some point within the first couple of hours.  As of now, it has been six weeks (the equivalent of a century in Carrie-world), and I still cannot find anything wrong with him.  I have (somewhat) stopped expecting him to bolt at any second.  However, I refuse to give him his own ringtone on my cell phone because that always proves to be the kiss of death in my relationships. I have met his parents, and he talks about us in the future sense.  It’s a nice change. 

In unrelated news, my ex boyfriend informed me a few days ago that he bought a house just down the street from me.  This means that we will be sharing a gas station and a grocery store (as there are only one of each in our tiny little town).  How incredibly awkward and maddening.  I can’t really describe how pissed I was when I found out.  Maybe that’s silly and childish, but I cannot help it.  Raleigh is such a big area.  Why did he find the need to move into my little corner of the world?  It occurred to me after he broke the news that he was probably just really excited about having bought a house and that he really didn’t have anyone else to share the news with.  At first, I felt a little bad for being so mad at him, but then the rational part of my mind reminded me that he was such an asshole to me, and he broke my heart in as many pieces as he possibly could, and that it isn’t my responsibility to be his friend.  I don’t owe him that.  Too often, I find that I try so hard to avoid hurting people’s feelings when I don’t get the same in return.  When did I decide that my own feelings went on the back burner?  I need to get better at that. 

So for now, I’m going to enjoy the new boy and all of his awesomeness, and I’m going to forget that the ex will be my new neighbor in a few weeks.  He doesn’t deserve anymore of my time and attention.  I deserve better than that.